Sorry for the long post, but I think details are important to convey context.
What IC does
I do have an IC who is Confident and impulsive and I like the idea that he's always rambling around in an RV, looking for opportunity like dumpster diving for "treasure" and old stuff to fix and resell, taking odd jobs, and busking w/ a guitar for money and attention (I don't know if that's too much stuff. Should I just choose "fame seeker" or "rescuer of discarded things"? Or is one IC's role in OS and the other his role in his own throughline?
I also considered that maybe IC is a garbage man, but I like the traveling, living out of an RV thing-- Maybe IC and MC are both running from fears of rejection while craving love and approval, but IC hides/denies it better (OS Issue of Denial or Closing things prematurely?). They are both passionate and want to adventure, maybe invent things (cool, but writing about inventing sounds boring when I don't know what they'd invent) but those are common interests, not problems. MC being too terrified to board an airplane is an obstacle if they want to travel, but that's MC's problem.
I'm thinking of plots where IC tries pushing characters into performing with him or otherwise riding the coattails of a has-been movie star related to MC. I like the general idea, but keep drawing blanks on the specifics or feel inner resistance if the research would be dry-- a character trying to write a script with someone sounds interesting enough, but learning all about the logistics of how movies are made to see if the idea is viable within the timeframe when I'm not 100% invested in that direction sounds dull and demotivating. I struggle with making choices since I imagine the butterfly effect that might occur and sometimes fear making a choice that ruins the whole thing.
Blind spot problems
I've struggled with the OS and storyform for years since like my MC, I have a subjective problem with anxiety, so that makes it hard to tell where my blind spots are and what throughline the fear belongs in (subjective or objective?). It's like coming up with an OS has been an afterthought since I've been more invested in writing about feelings, which feel subjective to me-- MC stuff.
I have trouble making choices when no options feel quite right (ex. several similar ideas about what IC does) and if I don't pick a direction that I'm passionate (or certain of? Relying on Certainty could be a problem for the characters) about (even if an anxiety cycle is Impulsive Responses, I can't get away from the idea of fears vs. passion, which draws me to Innermost Desires), then I can't get going.
In my guts, I suspect that something is off no matter what storyform I use, but I know I can't necessarily trust my emotions as a decision-making gauge because if those were accurate, then I wouldn't have anxiety problems to begin with! Then I wonder if all these related problems I'm having belong in my cathartic story, like maybe one of those is the "real" thing I'm trying to say rather than the intent I'm thinking of that "running from fears make them worse" and I worry about getting off track throwing everything and the kitchen sink in it. I don't have solutions to all my personal problems that I can write about (like self-worth stuff), but I can say from experience that the way to free yourself from living in fear (well, at least decrease the fear, one lives in) is to face them (or at least don't let them hold you back from pursuing desires) and become desensitized.
The other problem is being preoccupied by logic. I have ideas that I really want in there, but I'm not sure they make sense (like I'm unsure how to justify having good characters do questionable things, or how to go about having a character change his mind in a believable way) or what throughline they belong to. I have a problem with black and white thinking, so if I hear that a writer is supposed to "kill their darlings" and mercilessly cut things out, I start wondering, before even having a first draft, if I'll be forced to cut out everything I like if I can't perfectly justify it (Impulsive Responses > Worry?) and that saps my motivation because without passion, what's the point (Innermost Desires?)?
Finding MC's cryptic old diary among trash brings IC to the ruins of a "mad doctor's" manor, now overrun by an abandoned forest, where he discovers MC, a lonely hermit.
MC Backstory: Over 100 years ago, MC felt like a hopeless failure at life and a "cowardly" burden to loved ones due to (undiagnosed) OCD fears of being responsible for harm befalling others, so after a particularly painful failure caused by giving into his compulsions (these are meant to alleviate anxiety, but actually reinforce it-- the irony of avoiding fear making it worse is supposed to be the overall theme of the story), he ran away and, being
a dreamer intrigued by the Future and the promise of technology to solve life's problems (Would continuing to mistakenly seek external solutions, such as avoidance or attempting to absorb the courage of others in order to avoid the intimidating task of actually confronting his fears make him a Do-er? I pictured that despite his physical limitations, his personal problems are psychological, and he's always thinking about consequences so I chose Be-er... or does that belong in OS?
Having no hope or belief in himself to muster the strength to resist his fears and be like a normal person,
MC figured that his only usefulness was letting the doctor use him for a dangerous experiment, which turned him into something of a disembodied vampire (the world is otherwise pretty mundane and set in the present or recent past), who will need to rely on IC or others to do most physical tasks and that will exacerbate his fears of being a "burdensome parasite" undeserving of love and happiness.
MC and IC meet
The story starts with MC living a calm, but dull, life living off a tree until the IC shows up, which stirs MC's thirst for novelty, companionship, and knowledge as well as the fear of causing and experiencing emotional suffering (ex. giving into the temptation to return to the outside world only to fail all over again, hurting himself and those counting on him in the process.) that hamstrings the pursuit of desires that would allow him to live the way he wishes to (self-confident and with the purpose, novelty, and companionship that belonging to society provides), fulfilled and free of regret and anxiety. MC gives into his fears and decides to avoid potential pain (which is what I assume he'll have to Change in the end, getting a Judgement of Good) and attempts to scare IC away, but ironically draws attention to himself. IC will not let this "amazing discovery" go and uses MC's curiosity about the "wonders of the Future" to tempt him into leaving the forest.
IC wants to help MC return to society (or at least convince MC to help with performances to gain fame) for selfish and selfless reasons that may clash-- out of the goodness of his heart, because he doesn't believe in quitting, liking a "fixer-upper" challenge, and to exploit MC for fame. I don't know if that's too many motivations. I think the goal is collective rather than just everyone exclusively focused on what to do with MC, but that makes it harder to write short statements for stuff like Instant Dramatica and I wonder if I should narrow my focus.
Is OS where the overall "what this story is about" goes (ex. trying to avoid fear makes it worse or Pain of regret for having never tried is worse than the pain of trying and failing ), or does that fall under MC since MC is the shoes where the audience places themselves?