I've been through almost every trauma imaginable - intentionally so. In my experience, the thing that make a trauma traumatic are the painful, confusing, splintered memories that the mind tries so hard to reconcile against what is right in front of it. Those traumatic memories color every aspect of an individual's experience. A trauma is subjective and can't be seen from the outside, only the effects. From the outside, it looks more like stubbornness and irrationality.
That said, perhaps trauma is not what you are going after. The way you describe it, it sounds more like a dysfunctional family.