This is a very spatial, linear way to look at a relationship. It’s akin to saying “gravity exists because of the Earth and the Moon”. Gravity is gravity and a relationship is a relationship.
Relationships certainly can, and often do, do things by themselves. Witness Facebook and your best friends from high school that you haven’t talked to in 30 years. Your relationship changed all by itself - not because of you, and not because of your friend, but because the dynamics of the relation between you two changed (as all relationships are constantly growing).
In your example, you’ll find it easier and more productive to think of the relationship having trouble with Wisdom while Understanding. When a toxic relationship does stupid things (all by itself) it can breed all kinds of misunderstandings over what kind of relationship really exists.