Everyone and everything is out of balance in the hopes that Elio will Conceive of his true identity:
- both parents know he’s gay, but are giving him the space to get the idea himself
- elio announces at the table that he almost had sex with a girl - lest anyone get the idea he’s gay
- oliver bounces back and forth not wanting Elio to get the wrong idea (since there’s no way he’s coming out)
- dad doesn’t think mom has any idea that he himself is gay
- the potential girlfriend wants elio to get the idea that she is his girl, but knows that’s not happening
- several conversations about “is that what you want me to do?” in other words, are you trying to get me to conceive of doing something I’m not ready to do
Those are all instances of Conceiving as a Concern - but the central Goal, unspoken but a point of resolution for everyone, would be Elio getting the idea that it’s OK. Dad’s speech at the end helps make this an acceptable idea.