I’m not the best at this either, but here’s some ways I look at it.
I think maybe, and this is just a guess, spatially biased problem solvers (Linear PSS) like myself tend to look at the relationship by looking at its components, meaning that to them a relationship looks like ME plus YOU. But someone who approaches problems through balance probably looks at the relationship as US. ME plus YOU is a combination of perspectives whereas US or WE would be a single perspective from the relationship and therefore probably what we need to be looking at.
To try to pin what the relationship is a bit more, think of a balance scale where you would put a quantity of something on each side and see which weighs more by seeing which side is higher or lower. To see the relationship of weight between the two quantities you don’t look at q1 and q2 individually. Instead you look at the beam between sides of the scale.
Maybe you start out with a balanced relationship. The beam would look like this: —. But place weight on one side and now the beam/relationship changes so that it looks like this: /. But then add more weight to the other side and you get this: \ . Then take some weight off and it goes back to this: —.
That probably isn’t a great example, but it gives you a way to physically visualize the relationship. Hopefully that’s a good start in the right direction.
Now imagine that that beam can grow longer or shorter so that it can move those quantities closer together or further apart. If you replace that beam with ‘marriage’ or ‘family’ you start to get a sense of the relationship as a single thing. So WE might be growing closer or growing apart because of a misunderstanding. Or WE might be off balance because I am being a jerk.
I think so. But I also think those other players that affect the RS need to be seen from the WE perspective. If Vaselkos wife misunderstands the relationship and that causes Vaselko and Belinda to grow apart, I think the problem needs to be that WE are being misunderstood and that is causing US to grow apart.
It’s hard to explain the difference because Vs wife’s understanding is already directed at the relationship. So let’s say Vs wife (VW) has a fixed attitude-she doesn’t like Dramatica. And your problem is VW doesn’t like Dramatica and this causes V and B to grow apart. VW not liking Dramatica needs to be seen from the relationship perspective if it’s going to cause it to grow apart. So you could say WE can only be around people that like Dramatica, so V being married to VW causes US to grow apart.
...yeah, that’s a bad example. Too convaluted. We can talk about it more if you want, or not. Point is, i feel like it needs to be how WE see or deal with VWs misunderstanding of US that creates the problem and not just that she misunderstands us.
I would say it works for this reason. Vaselko’s admiration, or his views of Belinda as having wisdom, (edit) describes the beam between them. When he sees her as having wisdom, that beam is seen as having a certain length or a certain amount of balance. There is a view between US that one is admired or that one is wise.