I think it’s okay to do that. Some story points are supposed to be able to do duty in multiple through lines, right?
1 Like
Yeah – if this was my story I would include it and just make a note to myself “this is also OS”.
I think the important thing is that the first section is very personal to Lawanda. You could substitute another name for her sister (or put this in a teen drama) and it’s the same.
Oh I forgot to mention that “Lena’s the smarter one” and “now she lives a life without love” were supposed to hint at counterpoint of Deficiency.
Thy came through for me. Good point Mike. I’d be okay with all of it going in the storyform.
That puts us back to @Prish.
How is this? Something to remember about Clay as it is rather prominent in the storyform but we haven’t addressed it:
CRITICAL FLAW: Lacking Class
Clay interrupts people with jokes, sometimes stupid, sometimes crude and sometimes funny. He came from a low class background and achieved great success, before being frozen. He never lost the feeling of inferiority, inadequacy and the need for attention. He also gets sidetracked with sticking it to them and rubbing their faces in it…his lowly start.
I like where this is going, but how exactly does it get in his way?
Hmmm…maybe, he doesn’t find out the full information about something because he’s off pushing one of these jokes to garner attention? He might be learning how to handle people feeling free to joke back? Before, he was too powerful.
But come to think of it, what is his goal, anyway? What would it get in the way of? Have we decided that, yet? I guess I should know that, first.
Don’t forget the IC Critical Flaw is simply something that reduces his influence on the Main Character. So it doesn’t have to be something that hurts him – it could even be something that helps him get what he wants. But something about his crude lack of class dulls his influence on Lawanda.
So far we don’t have a lot defined about Lawanda and Clay’s throughlines yet, but we know Lawanda is someone who likes to get people’s permission (Unique Ability), and permits/acquiesces to her sister even when she shouldn’t (Issue). Then look to your MC Solution illustration as to how she changes – that’s the direction that Clay’s influence is pointing her: something that allows her to change and give consent to the martial arts practitioners.
EDIT: sorry I didn’t make the 2nd paragraph above clear. The point of trying to explain what the direction of Clay’s influence was, was to make it easier to picture how something could dull that influence. But you can ignore that … anything that makes Lawanda annoyed, or able to ignore him, or able to dismiss him, or less likely to be physically present with him, ANYTHING at all like that will work.
…direction…Clay’s influence…something that allows her to change and give consent to the martial arts practitioners…yet…reduces his influence on her…plus he’s the hinderer from a rough childhood.
If what I have given is not enough, can I have a little time to mull this over?
Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem so complicated… You could just go with something simple for now, and come back to it later?
You could just say that his constant interrupting people and putting them down rubs Lawanda the wrong way. Anything like that would work.
“and putting them down” wasn’t what I was going for.
Maybe, she gets put off when he is laughing at her, as she works on getting him to be serious, when he interrupts with his jokes. He is laughing at her, not as a put down as she assumes, but because she is really funny. Lawanda has always been very proud of her diplomatic ability, and she has always approached it in a very serious, high class, Boston Harvard-type way. Eventually, she learns that so-called low class good natured humor and joking can be an additional asset in diplomacy. She is amazed at her success at one-line comebacks to Clay’s jokes, getting him to laugh. At story’s end she accepts he is not laughing at her, but at her topping his joke. It opens a whole new world to her.
How does this work?
1 Like
So for Lacking Class, To put it a bit more simply, I’m reading this as something like, “Lawanda is put off by her perception of Clays lack of class. She perceives this lack of class from his behavior of constant joking/laughing.” Is that pretty close to what you’re going for? If so, looks good to me.
1 Like
Hi Prish, I think you’re trying to fit too much into the IC Unique Ability story point – it doesn’t need to show anything about the MC changing or learning or anything like that. (sorry if I steered you in the wrong direction earlier)
So yeah, if you can summarize it into something simple that shows how Lacking Class makes him less likely or less able to influence Lawanda, that would be great. What Greg has works, if it fits your ideas.
I love the idea of Lawanda’s high-class pride in her diplomacy, so if you can fit that in great, otherwise we can keep it mind for later.
Okay that sounds good
Guess it’s my turn then.
OS DOMAIN: Being Single
The group of survivors our story focuses on are, as far as they know, the last surviving group of humans on earth. Unsettled by this idea, some of the survivors want to keep looking for other groups despite the (virus, radiation, ?) being a threat if they leave the immediate area in which they currently reside and the others, being the last fertile people they know, want to repopulate despite not having enough people to restart the species or any fertile men.
Both added.
OS SOLUTION: Being Accepted by Something - The fertiles come to realize that EVERYONE that is left is worth saving whether they can breed or not, that thinking some people were more “valuable” was part of what got humanity into this predicament in the first place.They must accept all survivors as part of their family and they will all sink or swim together. They accept that humanity might perish, but that it won’t be because they were selfish and didn’t really deserve to survive. ADDED, by accepting other survivors they find a young pregnant girl and her fertile boyfriend, both of whom would have died outside the colony. Ooo. They also find an infertile cryo specialist.
Whatchall think?
1 Like
Awesome solution! I almost took that Storypoint and I definitely wasn’t going that direction. I like yours a lot better.
My one question would be how this relates to the goal being a success. Is the solution Of the OS supposed to be where we see the success of the fertile women in getting pregnant?
Drat, I never even thought of that. Brilliant! You mean someone is smarter than me?
Great stuff guys! Love the cool directions you took both of the new points. I thought it was cool how Being Single ended up being the single surviving colony. And the OS Solution is great, it sort of went in the other direction than I might have guessed, which is awesome.
My turn…
OS Benchmark: Getting Older
The fertile women are very aware of the years passing, knowing their biological clocks are ticking down humanity’s time on the planet. Meanwhile, the story’s progress toward resolution can be measured by how the attempts at bearing children slowly gain progress: first there are miscarriage(s), then stillborn birth(s), then finally a healthy baby is born.
My turn? What should I choose to use the above?
I’m not sure. What about the MC Concern - Coming up with a High Concept (Conceiving)? Could that be related to diplomacy or a Harvard education or something like that? Trying to conceive of or get others to conceive of some high concept idea?