Never was aware that I was head-hoping. So trying to do a self analysis first and fixing the POV problems. Onces this is fixed I can apply the Morgan Hawke rules I think. I hope this is better, any comment is welcomed.
Ben opened the door and as the bell above the door jingled, the short and stocky man behind the counter looked at him with dark eyes.
((Was: The man behind the counter was short and stocky. His dark eyes looked alert as the bell above the door jingled and a tall figure entered.))
“What an honor to meet you in person, Colonel (That Ben is a Colonel is already told in scenes before) Fitch. What brings you to Boston?”
Ben put a cloth on the counter and unfolded it. “I want this repaired.”
With a wrinkled hand, the silversmith picked up the jewelry and inspected it with a small magnifying glass he pulled from his vest pocket. The man twisted the last bit of hair behind his ears, and the wrinkles in his forehead deepened as he raised his eyebrows. Finally, he said, “I understand how attached you must be to this heirloom.”
“No this necklace isn’t mine.”
The blacksmith looked at him in amazement. “Is anyone else from the Fitch family still alive?” DELETED as this is Silversmith POV: It was out before he knew it.
“What does my family have to do with this?”
The balding man began to polish the magnifying glass with his shirt. “Colonel, I have the deepest respect for you. Without you, we would never have won the war with the Indians and I would never have seen my son again. What I am about to say might be sensitive, but I am sure I sold this necklace to your son, Daniel.”
Ben felt a coldness rise up inside, [trying to show non-verbal emotions] followed by a rush of adrenaline as he grabbed the shirt of the old man. “Don’t talk about my son.”
The blacksmith tried to steady himself with his hands on the counter but was forced to lean forward.
“Tell the truth,” Ben said, then loosened his grip, surprised by his own action.
The frightened blacksmith cleared his throat and stuttered, “I… I….” He swallowed and wiped his forehead with his sleeve. “I remember well, Daniel came to this shop in 1677—”
Ben pulled the blacksmith closer, while he smacked his other hand on the counter.
“It’s the truth, I swear it!” screamed the old man.
Ben narrowed his eyes [showing non-verbal emotion?] and said in a threatening [showing non-verbal emotion?] voice, “Continue.”
He took a deep breath and wiped once more. “Daniel, wanted a jewelry to surprise his wife Abigail for her birthday. He said he wanted something green to match the color of their daughter’s eyes. I showed him sketches of jewelry that I could import, and he chose this necklace.” (DELETED as this is Silversmith POV, not daring to look at the Colonel, h) He held up the necklace so that the stone sparkled in sunlight streaming through the window. “This gemstone is Jade, and by the way it has been cut, there is no question it comes from China.”
There was a silence as Ben considered the man’s words.
The blacksmith said after a while, “It’s no problem for me to fix this, Colonel. It will be ready in an hour.”