How to show non-verbal communication

writing
#1

Hi,

Not sure if this is the right place, but do you have tips on how to show non-verbal communication, dialogue?
I notice that I come most of the time with TELLING, NOT SHOWING, the same things like:

  • He starred (outside the window, at his hands, at his feet)
  • He was stung like a bee
  • he stood frozen, paralyzed to the floor
  • he nodded
  • His gaze stiffened
  • looked surprised, down, up
  • he felt
  • After a while (to tell the passing of time, as the where was a silence)
  • he didn’t understand
  • he felt the warmth

Or to give another example, in WhatsApp you can send gifs as emotions. These are real human expressions in video gifs. How could you write these as non-verbal text?

Are there books that handle this specifically?
Rgds,
Jeri

#2

No idea. I would just read a lot and see what they do.

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#3

Agree with @MWollaeger . When you read, keep a notebook or your phone with you and take notes on certain descriptions and turns of phrase that you liked. Ostensibly it’s for future reference, but the real benefit is to get your brain thinking about how to do the same thing on its own.

You can also look for a book called The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi. It’s a great resource especially as you are becoming more comfortable with your voice.

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#4

Thanks for the tips.
And I ordered the book mlucas referred to.

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#5

For the past few years I listened to books on tape (public library etc): first Georgette Heyer in sequence, then Marion Chesney, now the Falco series by Lindsey Davis. Your question and post has made me pay attention to what I am hearing in that regard. I recommend the experience because the readers reveal a world with their subtext, imho. In the 1990’s I went on a tour for historical fiction writers, and now when I ‘hear’ these books, I am astounded how showing and telling are blended. Listening might open the brain to more dimensions and encode them for future use through experience. I remember a get together of wannabe writers and sharing of written work via reading to each other. (you know how that goes) Once I could not understand what was going on, but the writer was insistent on ‘showing’ not telling.

I learned on the historical fiction writers tours how the authors studied and used events, objects and similar people that had existed in every sentence, practically. In retrospect it was a very broad exercise in ‘showing’. I happened to be at the public library, today, and bumped into someone who had owned a second-hand paperback bookstore about twenty years ago that I frequented then. I was bubbling over about my recent books on tape listening experiences, and she told me that she got nothing from hearing reading. She never visualized anything. [to her it was a vacant dull dud, not even an experience] So I only suggest that your favorite reads/hearings might have clues in what ‘showing’ techniques would be fun for you to master,

When I studied painting with an expert in the 80’s, who had studied under a great artist, he mentioned that any color you mix and create as you go along, you have to use at least three times in the painting, even if a dab. Ten years later when I took a fiction writing class at a university, I was reading one of my short stories to the class. Through class feedback, I noticed that something I had only mentioned twice had not been 'heard, and it was necessary in the story. When I scanned over the sentences trying to figure out what went wrong, I noticed the only two mentions and had to laugh thinking of the rule of three in painting. It led me to consider maybe some telling had a place.

One note from my reading experiences: I had read all the 20 Falco mysteries in the past, and then I decided to listen to them as books on tape to keep me sharp in English for tutoring help, etc. I realized after hearing several books that I had always visualized the Helena character as blond, and now I have to retrain my visuals to her dark hair. I sure would have appreciated a few more ‘tellings’ of that dark hair color … haha.

#6

If you’re talking about novel writing rather than screenplay (which I know little about), I think show don’t tell needs a lot of unpacking to be useful as a ‘rule’. That’s where the books on craft come in.
The emotional craft of Fiction by Donald Maas is great. There’s a good chapter in Lisa Cron’s Story Genius on how showing doesn’t have to mean just what a camera would see.
From Where You dream by Robert Olen Butler has a bit about avoiding abstraction and grounding everything in very closely observed sensory experience which is very illuminating. And there’s a really great blog by Emma Darwin called this itch of writing which is always very nuanced in discussing craft and I’m sure will have discussed this.

None of these craft books would be dramatica compliant in their stuff on structure, but for storytelling craft they’re great.

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#7

I’ve found this website helpful: https://www.writerswrite.co.za/cheat-sheets-for-writing-body-language/

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#8

Hi Jeri,

Let me start with your list above that you’ve labeled as “telling” most of those are actions. Actions are showing, always. Some of them are being “filtered” (anything with the word felt, or an id’d sense (saw, tasted, heard, felt, smelled). Usually if you remove the filter word, you shift the description into showing So for example:

He felt the warmth. The fire’s heavenly warmth radiated up his goose pimpled arms. ← Is this man hot or cold? How do you know? HOWEVER this is not non-verbal comm. So let’s look at another example from your list.

Okay, buckle up, I’m take you on a whirl wind tour of using non-verbal comm effectively.

The first thing to notice is that a character does not (for the most part) notice their own non-verbals. So if you are in a particular character’s head, he’s most likely not going to notice his own brow furrowing, but he can notice OTHER people’s non-verbals, but it’s not just enough to notice them, in order to give them oomph the character must “interpret” the non-verbal to mean something, because, you know, that’s how we hoomans do.

So lets take, hmmm. He was stung like a bee. That’s a telling, so you got that right, but it’s telling BECAUSE it’s a character commenting on his own emotional state.

So we’re going to explore this from two different avenues. One from inside the character looking at himself and one from a character looking at someone else.

Self.

She backpedaled out of his arms. “You kiss too hard.”

His arms dropped to his sides, and his face flushed until his ears burned. That stung. “No one’s ever complained before,” he bit out.

Okay, let’s parse this so you can see what I did.

His arms dropped to his sides ← instinctive action
and his face flushed until his ears burned <–involuntary physical response felt by the POV character, but notice there’s no felt insight
That stung. ← his internal BUT it’s not non-verbal comm
“No one’s ever complained before,” he bit out. ← it’s the he bit out, that houses the non-verbal comm.

So he was embarrassed, indicated by the blushing, but it’s the he bit out that shows he’s shifting toward anger. Watch what happens if we change the attribution a little bit.

“No one’s complained before,” he said, sheepishly ← this is someone that may never try and kiss a girl again.
“No one’s complained before.” He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. ← This is someone that is going to prolly ask her to teach him.

Okay…now we’re going to go into HER POV looking at and observing his reaction.

She backpedaled out of his arms. “You kiss too hard.”
The suddenness of his release nearly put her on her backside. He turned away but the flush of crimson that cascaded over his ears was impossible to miss. She’d stung him like a bee.

In this sample you can see that the blush is the stimulus for her interpretation of the feeling/damage she’d caused.

Hope this helped. If you have any questions, fire away.

Diane/Jass

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#9

So much of this. It’s annoying when people try and hamstring writers with things that only apply some of the time.

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#10

I like this :smiley:

Euh, it helps… I’m a bit overwhelmed. I think I see what you do, but don’t know what to ask…
Perhaps: do you follow a rule of instinct reaction+non-verbal+ … or something like that? What you come with is all natural.

This is what I have in my story. I think this is narrator’s POV. I see (at least I think) what you do.
How would you apply to this? Or what comments would you have on this? Or can it be more engaging?

Ben poked the log with a fire iron. Sparks flew from the hearth and fell to the wooden floor. He threw another log on the fire, then went to the glass window, the only remembrance he had brought from his home in Boston. He stared at the pine trees outside, trying to understand how a white man's necklace had found its way to him up on the mountain in the hands of an Indian. His friend could only have gotten the necklace while attacking and looting British settlements.

#11

Let me take a looksee and see what I can do?

You can’t have non-verbal comm with a single character. It’s communication, who is he communicating with? Who and why is he hiding his feelings from?

What’s here is description and action. If you are looking at upping the stakes/ante for this paragraph then you need to give/make clear what his opinion is of someone, particularly a friend, of doing something as heinous as attacking/looting someone’s home.

So for example:

Ben stabbed (stronger verb with some emotion behind it) the log with a fire iron. Sparks spewed out in a plume that filled the fireplace before plummeting to the wooden floor. He thrust another log onto the burning stack. The heat didn’t relieve the knot in his stomach. He stomped over the glass window, the sole item of value and nostalgia he’d brought from his home in Boston. He pulled the silver necklace, with its large links, from his pocket. The locket held the likeness of a woman and young girl. Some man’s keepsake of his family. How the hell had [Indian man’s name] come by it. But he couldn’t make himself follow that road. There was only one way. He stared at [Indian man’s name] sleeping on the cot on the other side of the room. He’d find out tomorrow. He set the necklace on the mantle and climbed up the loft ladder, where Anna slept and bolted it behind him. There was only one way.

Okay Ben is now having a much more emotional reaction. He’s telling himself a story about where the necklace came from. A story he doesn’t like.

I really don’t think this crosses over into non-verbal comm for the reason stated above, but it does give you some ideas on how to up the tension and the emotion of the scene.

Again, hope this helps.

Diane/Jass

#12

There is very definitely an order of operations. This article by Morgan Hawke covers it really well.

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#13

There is very definitely an order of operations. This article by Morgan Hawke covers it really well.

Thanks for this!

Perhaps my example wasn’t right. I hope this is a better example of dialogue.
This is a scene further up when he goes to Boston to have that necklace repaired. In this scene, I ran into the issue again of “starring and being stung, etc,” which was the reason for this thread. And now knowing there is a Morgan Hawke article, there is more to learn and apply to this scene I guess.

The man behind the counter was short and stocky. His dark eyes looked alert as the bell above the door jingled and a tall figure entered.

“What an honor to meet you in person, Colonel Fitch. What brings you to Boston?”

Ben put a cloth on the counter and unfolded it. “I want this repaired.”

With a wrinkled hand, the silversmith picked up the jewelry and inspected it with a small magnifying glass he pulled from his vest pocket. The man twisted the last bit of hair behind his ears, and the wrinkles in his forehead deepened as he raised his eyebrows. Finally, he said, “I understand how attached you must be to this heirloom.”

“No this necklace isn’t mine.”

The blacksmith looked at him in amazement. “Is anyone else from the Fitch family still alive?” It was out before he knew it.

“What does my family have to do with this?”

The balding man began to polish the magnifying glass with his shirt. “Colonel, I have the deepest respect for you. Without you, we would never have won the war with the Indians and I would never have seen my son again. What I am about to say might be sensitive, but I am sure I sold this necklace to your son, Daniel.”

Ben felt a coldness rise up inside, followed by a rush of adrenaline as he grabbed the shirt of the old man. “Don’t talk about my son.”

The blacksmith tried to steady himself with his hands on the counter but was forced to lean forward.

“Tell the truth,” Ben said, then loosened his grip, surprised by his own action.

The frightened blacksmith cleared his throat and stuttered, “I… I….” He swallowed and wiped his forehead with his sleeve. “I remember well, Daniel came to this shop in 1677—”

Ben pulled the blacksmith closer, while he smacked his other hand on the counter.

“It’s the truth, I swear it!” screamed the old man.

Ben narrowed his eyes and said in a threatening voice, “Continue.”

He took a deep breath and wiped once more. “Daniel, wanted a jewelry to surprise his wife Abigail for her birthday. He said he wanted something green to match the color of their daughter’s eyes. I showed him sketches of jewelry that I could import, and he chose this necklace.” Not daring to look at the Colonel, he held up the necklace so that the stone sparkled in sunlight streaming through the window. “This gemstone is Jade, and by the way it has been cut, there is no question it comes from China.”

There was a silence as Ben considered the man’s words.

The blacksmith said after a while, “It’s no problem for me to fix this, Colonel. It will be ready in an hour.”

#14

Okay we are falling into a whole other realm. The issue in this scene is POV, not in any Dramatica sense, but in the sense of which voice/character/narrator is telling your story and or particular scene. This scene head hops for sure between Ben and the Silversmith, and potentially an omniscient narrator. So I would decide who the scene owner is (usually the character that has the most to lose). And then re-work it with the article by Morgan in mind. I’d love to see your rewrite when you’re done.

Diane/Jass

#15

Never was aware that I was head-hoping. So trying to do a self analysis first and fixing the POV problems. Onces this is fixed I can apply the Morgan Hawke rules I think. I hope this is better, any comment is welcomed.

Ben opened the door and as the bell above the door jingled, the short and stocky man behind the counter looked at him with dark eyes.

((Was: The man behind the counter was short and stocky. His dark eyes looked alert as the bell above the door jingled and a tall figure entered.))

“What an honor to meet you in person, Colonel (That Ben is a Colonel is already told in scenes before) Fitch. What brings you to Boston?”

Ben put a cloth on the counter and unfolded it. “I want this repaired.”

With a wrinkled hand, the silversmith picked up the jewelry and inspected it with a small magnifying glass he pulled from his vest pocket. The man twisted the last bit of hair behind his ears, and the wrinkles in his forehead deepened as he raised his eyebrows. Finally, he said, “I understand how attached you must be to this heirloom.”

“No this necklace isn’t mine.”

The blacksmith looked at him in amazement. “Is anyone else from the Fitch family still alive?” DELETED as this is Silversmith POV: It was out before he knew it.

“What does my family have to do with this?”

The balding man began to polish the magnifying glass with his shirt. “Colonel, I have the deepest respect for you. Without you, we would never have won the war with the Indians and I would never have seen my son again. What I am about to say might be sensitive, but I am sure I sold this necklace to your son, Daniel.”

Ben felt a coldness rise up inside, [trying to show non-verbal emotions] followed by a rush of adrenaline as he grabbed the shirt of the old man. “Don’t talk about my son.”

The blacksmith tried to steady himself with his hands on the counter but was forced to lean forward.

“Tell the truth,” Ben said, then loosened his grip, surprised by his own action.

The frightened blacksmith cleared his throat and stuttered, “I… I….” He swallowed and wiped his forehead with his sleeve. “I remember well, Daniel came to this shop in 1677—”

Ben pulled the blacksmith closer, while he smacked his other hand on the counter.

“It’s the truth, I swear it!” screamed the old man.

Ben narrowed his eyes [showing non-verbal emotion?] and said in a threatening [showing non-verbal emotion?] voice, “Continue.”

He took a deep breath and wiped once more. “Daniel, wanted a jewelry to surprise his wife Abigail for her birthday. He said he wanted something green to match the color of their daughter’s eyes. I showed him sketches of jewelry that I could import, and he chose this necklace.” (DELETED as this is Silversmith POV, not daring to look at the Colonel, h) He held up the necklace so that the stone sparkled in sunlight streaming through the window. “This gemstone is Jade, and by the way it has been cut, there is no question it comes from China.”

There was a silence as Ben considered the man’s words.

The blacksmith said after a while, “It’s no problem for me to fix this, Colonel. It will be ready in an hour.”

#16

Okay editing in discuss in difficult so I nipped this up and moved it to a google doc. Anyone here can go see the suggestions I’ve made.

I want to say that I think you’ve chosen the wrong emotional backdrop for this particular scene. You’ve chosen anger. Anger is a cover emotion and is always spurred by disappointment and/or frustration. Neither of those is at play in this scene.

hth,

if you have any questions let me know.

Diane/Jass

#17

Oeps, should have not been here