So, poor Em.
First kudo is for good tension running through this. From the moment Damon shows up I was wondering what the catch was, and you never made the POV character dumb. Damon acted in a way that didn’t set off her alarm bells.
So, my guess for the order of this is …hmmm. I can see a couple of different orders
Appraisal, doubt, investigation and reappraisal.
She thinks he’s a good guy
But he does a couple of hinky things, creating doubt
Her friend shows her the investigation
And she reappraises him as the slime bucket he is.
It drew me along for the length of it, so I’d say this is mostly a success.
Now, of course, you are wondering why mostly. Well it’s because this was missing drive for me. Em wanted the guy, but she didn’t have to do anything or overcome anything to get him. Which I think, if she’d had to work a bit more to get him, it would have made the eventual outcome even more devastating.
Anyway, those are my off the cuff thoughts. I’m glad you participated.
I started mine, but I don’t know that I’ll have time to finish it, so I’m really proud of your efforts.