I like it. Dropped it into the storyform. I’m really glad to see we aren’t dead in the water, I was beginning to worry a little bit.
I was thinking mostly the “do Lena’s dirty work” stuff, especially stuff that Lawanda doesn’t believe in.
Me too! I think we kept up such a frenetic pace at the beginning that it became hard to match that once any of us got busy. But I still want to keep doing this even if we have to go a bit slower!
@Prish, your turn 
.
How is this?
RS CONCERN: Pondering Over CONCERN: Contemplation
This is the same story choice Lord of the Flies has in the Dramatica software stories examples. There, the point is made that the MC and IC are facing the same problems but come up with different conclusions. I see Clay’s time in a frozen state had him miss a lot of history that the MC had lived through. Lawanda is like a Donna, concentrating on what is needed now for an efficient community. Clay questions the structure that is the community and gets sidetracked trying things out. (or gets sidetracked wanting to try different things out, with MC having to rein him in.)
Hi Prish, is there a way you can take what you have and focus it more on the relationship? Like maybe they are pondering over their relationship, and somehow that pondering generates conflict between them. (The stuff you have about contemplating different ways to run the community might be a lead-in. It might lead to them pondering over the relationship itself – how much they value it, where it’s leading, what they desire from each other; or anything you think fits since those are just my examples.)
Since the Dramatica software examples were made, there has been more insight into the RS throughline, so that’s it not really about the argument between the MC and IC, but about the relationship between them – as if that relationship were itself a character.
Ok…back to pondering and thinking
RS CONCERN: Pondering Over CONCERN: Contemplation
Clay built a financial empire following the vibes, looking for the vibes. It was something he learned from his grandmother as she said they changed a society by checking out the vibes of things and listening to the vibes around them. Lawanda followed something different, a path of logic. She should be boring, but she wasn't. He couldn't figure it out. She was fascinating. He would say stupid jokes to get her attention, and sometimes she actually laughed. For some reason that seem to bother her.
Clay would challenge her about logic and what it really was, a tool or a philosophy. Lawanda enjoyed their contemplations on logic. That was until he figured out she was an infertile, applying their contemplations about logic. Logic indicated she was not acting like a fertile putting him off, but as an infertile putting him off out of guilt.
So the relationship is about pondering the vibes between them and the use of logic. The problem this causes is that pondering over logic leads to Clay discovering Lawandas secret. Is that about right?
Since I’ve been awol for a few I’ll go ahead and take my turn now as well.
RS Domain: being pigheaded about someone.
The relationship between clay and Lawanda develops around Clays pigheadedness about who he sleeps with. He only wants to sleep with someone of his choosing. Knowing it will probably mean exile or death to refuse to sleep with everyone, L insists he do what they want and sleep with all the fertiles.
here’s how I’m seeing it play out. In the beginning, he only wants to sleep with “the one”. But as L points out to him, if he isnt willing to impregnate all the fertile women, he is of no use to the colony and will likely be exiled or killed. As the story progresses, he finds “the one” is L and he only agrees to sleep with her. As she is fond of him as well, she is flattered and wishes it could be, but knows that she will be found out as infertile when no baby is produced which would mean they’d both be kicked out. She figures her only hope is that Clay impregnates some of the others and they can say it just didn’t take for her. Something along those lines. But that’s getting well outside the purview of this story point.
I just tossed it out there to see if it passes mlucas scrutiny …waiting…waiting…waiting
Sorry Prish, I’ve been really busy with other stuff and haven’t been able to check here as much. Sorry to be so “scrutinizing” too.
What I was looking for is just any write-up where you mostly mention the relationship and how Contemplation and pondering is causing conflict in the relationship or applied to the relationship… You should be able to summarize it without mentioning the individual characters’ names, just talk “they” and “the relationship” (or write in first-person plural “we”).
That said, I think your idea works, it’s not hard to summarize that as: The different ways they think about logic causes them consternation which brings them closer together as they ponder over their differences. Until the contemplation leads to their determining that one of them has lied to the other…
Greg - I think yours works great. There is a pigheadedness causing trouble between them, their relationship is conflicted by its own fixed attitudes sort of like a single character that’s conflicted by two opposing beliefs. (1. we are meant for each other. 2. it’s too dangerous to be together)
Never say!!! I hold my breath for it!! It’s fun! And it’s good.
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I’ll remember that. Thanks.
thanks Mike. The RS has definitely been one of my blind spots in this theory and was one of the things i was the most excited about doing and most scared of getting into when this thread began. Still have a ways to go, but it’s awesome how much this theory has opened my eyes to what various perspectives can look like, particularly in the area of relationships and holistic thinking.
@jassnip is up.
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Guys, I am totally swamped with a rehab (property not drugs) and it sapping all my creative juices…hell it’s just sapping me. carry on without me. One of you pm me your email addy and I’ll give you writing privileges to the story form.
We could wait…haha…feel free to pop in at any time. The property rehab might be done before we are.
I find I’m not checking in as often Lately either. Mostly because I’m trying to work more on telling stories.
@mlucas, @prish, do you want to continue, or should we let this thread go? I’m okay with it either way.
I want go ahead and say that I have found this thread really helpful in seeing how others look at and work through a Storyform. I feel I got some good stuff from everyone’s input, so I really appreciate everyone going through it with me.
Also, we can always pick it up again in the future. Plus, some might want to finish it as an exercise, up in the future.
I’m finding the same as Greg – focusing on other writing stuff so haven’t had as much time to look at or think about this.
Still, I think we were really on the money with creating an outline for a complete story here. Stuff was fitting together nicely, and in surprising ways that would never have come from a single author.
So I agree with Prish. I think we should put it on hold, and check back in a while to see how everyone’s feeling. So, if you get the urge to continue this story in a few weeks, don’t be shy about piping up here!
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I’ll pop back in when I can…several weeks away at least.
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Sounds good. This has been a surprising experience for my brain.
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