Would this be OS Concern?
The infertiles want to use all the resources to strike out and look for other possible groups of human survivors, now, while the fertiles want to use the resources to begin repopulation with reproduction, now.
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It’s a good start. Since the gist is “being focused on a particular groups concern” can you expand a bit? My questions are:
- The infertiles that want to look for other survivors-are they focused on their own immediate concerns, or the concerns of the possible survivors, and what specific concerns are they focused on?
(Edit: I’m wondering if the infertiles are concerned with how they will use resources or how they will find survivors, or are they more concerned with finding survivors before fertiles find them or something?) - The fertiles-I’m reading it as they are focused on their own concerns with reproduction. Is that correct?
- What problems does this cause. I’m extrapolating a bit, but it seems like your going for an argument over the use of resources. Is that correct? (2nd Edit: if there’s an argument over resources, that might be a particular groups concern, took me a minute to catch that).
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I was thinking something simple like that. Do you want me to expand on it now?
Nope. That’s perfect. Just wanted to make sure I understood. Thanks!
I’m going to need a bit longer before I can take my turn. @jassnip if you want to go now you can and I’ll take my turn next. Otherwise I’ll be back in an hour or two
K, I’m back.
OS PROBLEM: Rejecting a Particular Group
The fertiles want to reject any outsider survivors because they feel any other survivors will be a drain on resources that they will need if they are to get pregnant and raise children. This raises the tensions between the fertiles and infertiles who believe the resources need to be spent on gathering survivors into one colony.
Oh man. That is perfect.
You can totally see how it would feed into more instances of Symptom (Proaction) & Response (Reaction) too:
HAWK: “What? You killed Fat Tom just because he’s new?” (You attacked without provocation? - Proaction)
MAGNOLIA: “Yes. That, and he was eating too much of our food.”
HAWK: “That’s insane! Do you know how much trouble this will cause?” (You acted too precipitously! - Proaction)
MAGNOLIA: (shrugs) “It felt like the right thing to do.”
HAWK: “I should report you…” (Reacting to Magnolia’s misdeed - Reaction)
MAGNOLIA: “No you shouldn’t.” (pulls out a scary looking knife with Fat Tom’s blood still on it) “You don’t eat near as much as Tom did. But you do use a lot of shampoo.” (Sees Hawk’s threat as a provocation - Proaction, reacts innapropriately / responds in kind with her own threat - Reaction)
HAWK: (backs up) “Okay, okay, I won’t. Just put that thing away.” (Sees Magnolia’s aggressiveness (Proaction) as a problem, recoils from it - Reaction)
From the film Fertility Goddesses, script © 2018 by Greg, Diane, Patricia & Mike
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Good job, Mike! Glad you liked it. I was obviously playing off of the awesome Concern that @Prish set up for me. And great example of how it’s all coming together so far. Thanks for putting that out there.
If no discussion needed on my point, looks like @jassnip is up.
PS- I’d like to remind anyone that happens to be reading this and would like to join in on the exercise to let us know. We’ll put you in the lineup.
OS SIGNPOST 2: Getting Thinner - As supplies dwindle several/a couple of the fertile women begin to lose weight, getting thinner and thiner until they stop menstruating, making survival of the group less likely and also giving them sympathy for the plight of the women whose fertility was destroyed by the apocalypse.
Feedback?
Could y’all take a look at the storyform. Some how I seemed to end up with two OS problems. Help me figure out which one is supposed to be there.
I think what happened is I offered an OS SP 1 and Mike asked me how it was a problem, so I retyped what I had and then listed Problem in bold below it to point out how it was causing a problem. So one of those problems was about seeing the future world run by children and creating tensions because the rest of the group sees that as a dream and wasted effort and can go under OS SP 1.
Your above Storypoint works for me. It illustrates getting thinner and shows it’s a problem for those wanting to continue the species.
Ahhh. okay. Gotcha. Moving it back to beneath OS SP I Thank you.
I tried to fit the already-defined OS Domain and OS Problem into here. I think it worked out pretty well. Note you have to read to the end to see the Moonlighting gist.
Overall Story Catalyst: Moonlighting (Work)
Colony Director Lena (Antagonist) knows there is more to sustaining a colony of survivors than simply giving birth to the next generation. The human race needs a Minimum Viable Population to survive: a big enough gene pool, and enough people to do the work required to survive. What is the point of reviving Clay? Even if he is able to impregnate the women, the next generation will be one of half-brothers and half-sisters, an unacceptable gene pool. Now is the time to be reaching out and finding other survivors, uniting with other colonies. Not wasting their few resources on getting a few women pregnant and raising children.
So on top of their normal job of caring for themselves and the colony, she orders that everyone must “moonlight” – do the additional work to prepare for and sustain constant expeditions to bring in other survivors. This extra work accelerates the tensions in the colony, pushing the conflict between Fertiles and Infertiles to a head.
Meanwhile, Director Lena herself moonlights as a sperm bank caretaker. While she couldn’t keep the cryogenically-preserved people like Clay a secret, she was able to hide the facility’s perfectly viable sperm bank. It will be useful one day, but for now, no one can find out, since to use it would be a huge drain on the colony’s resources. But this “side gig” adds a lot of strain for her, so whenever anyone notices this, or tries to dig into her secret, it accelerates conflict and pushes the story forward.
OMG that bitch!
Love it. Well done!
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OS ISSUE: Having Chemistry with Someone vs. Repulsion
The frozen contagonist picks up vibes as people come in and out of his area, maybe from the air, and some repel him. Some he likes more and more.
Hi Prish, I think that’s great but:
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How is that a problem in the overall story?
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This might help with #1. If you want you could also illustrate the chemistry after he’s revived. Because I think at some point in the story (not sure when, I’m hoping at least sometime in the first half) he does get revived…
Haha…that’s the point-- when he gets revived, they have their plans and preferences, while he has developed repugnances and attractions that maybe even he doesn’t consciously know of. I can change this if you want.
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No, don’t change it, it’s great! And I can see it going both ways too, even before he’s revived like you say (e.g. one of the girls becomes infatuated with him after reading the facility’s info on him and seeing a picture).
So are you thinking that the various preferences, repugnances and attractions end up causing problems between people, hindering certain agendas, etc.?
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That’s how I’m seeing it Mike. And I’ve got an idea for where this is going to go as soon as it’s my turn. Just want to make sure all the discussion is done before I go in case it changes anything.
The storyform point seemed made for just that, and I couldn’t resist.
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