Newbie developing working novel title: Back in May

writing
#1

Some of you know I recently bought the Dramatica Story Expert software and I’ve been diligently studying the materials and reading the forum and Narrative First blog and so forth. I’m at a point now where I realise that I must put this knowledge to work to really get Dramatica storypoints to stick.

So, I’ve decided to encode a story form here - yikes!

A warning to the faint hearted: I will be making all kinds of errors and mistakes along the way.

A warning to the experts: expect many cringe moments as I stumble along using the terminology.

For everyone, please do chime in if I am veering off course completely as I develop my story.

With all that out of the way…OK…

So this story I have in mind is one I’ve been wanting to write for ages and ages. It’s not crucial that I get it spot on nor am I under pressure with it, but I always saw it as a side project that one day would be nice to write. It is a Comedy of Attitudes (OS Fixed Attitudes) novel. I never got past a couple of scenes and it’s always been on the back burner. So, that’s the one I’m going to storyform and encode here.

Working Title: Back in May

I will be using the same storyform outline as the comprehensive analysis found in the Analysis section.

I have loads of time tomorrow to put in the storyform and start encoding tomorrow, but for now here is the general MC sketch, and how this story kicks off:

MC - Angela - is a new age follower, single, in her mid-20’s. She reads the angel cards, thinks her name was divinely inspired, doesn’t believe in coincidences, everything is about fate for her and synchronicity. She meditates and tries to keep herself centred and positive at all times. She reads symbols in everything and the whole world “speaks” to her. Her big thing is being in the now.

One day in May, on her way to work at a bookstore, her bus gets into an accident and ever since then she has been kicked out of “being in the now.” Thereafter, the story is all about the mishaps she encounters as she tries to recapture her serenity but life just takes over as she goes on her quest to recapture the Now.

Tomorrow I will put the storyform in this thread and get cracking on the encoding :slight_smile:

2 Likes
#2

I find it fun to figure out/ visualize the ending scenes and work on that first, sometimes.

#3

Below are my preliminary story settings for Back in May. These storypoints aren’t set in stone, though it would be nice if they were :slight_smile: I’ll only know once I work my way through the various storypoints. If I find that something has to change as I encode, I’ll update it.

I’ll put each block of storypoints in individual posts within this same thread. When I reach the end, I will bring the final version together in a final post on this thread.

Feel free to comment, point things out, correct, etc., as I go along - I’d appreciate it! :slight_smile:

I won’t get to the Plot Progressions in this thread since I’m not at all confident in that part of the theory just yet. What I may do is just pick up this story at a later date when I’m comfortable working with plot progressions - but we’ll see.

STORY ENGINE SETTINGS: “Back in May” 17/12/17

CHARACTER DYNAMICS:
MC RESOLVE: Steadfast
MC GROWTH: Stop
MC APPROACH: Be-er
MC PROBLEM-SOLVING STYLE: Holistic
IC RESOLVE: Change

PLOT DYNAMICS:
DRIVER: Decision
LIMIT: Optionlock
OUTCOME: Success
JUDGMENT: Good

OVERALL STORY
(The Overall Story)
DOMAIN: Fixed Attitude
CONCERN: Innermost Desires
ISSUE: Closure vs. Denial
PROBLEM: Consider
SOLUTION: Reconsider
SYMPTOM: Pursuit
RESPONSE: Avoidance
CATALYST: Denial
INHIBITOR: Responsibility

RELATIONSHIP
(The Relationship Story)
DOMAIN: Situation
CONCERN: The Future
ISSUE: Openness vs. Preconception
PROBLEM: Support
SOLUTION: Oppose
SYMPTOM: Pursuit
RESPONSE: Avoidance
CATALYST: Preconception
INHIBITOR: Morality

MAIN CHARACTER
(MAIN CHARACTER (Protagonist))
DOMAIN: Manipulation
CONCERN: Changing One’s Nature
ISSUE: Commitment vs. Responsibility
PROBLEM: Faith
SOLUTION: Disbelief
SYMPTOM: Pursuit
RESPONSE: Avoidance
UNIQUE ABILITY: Obligation
CRITICAL FLAW: Dream

INFLUENCE CHARACTER
(IMPACT CHARACTER (Emotion))
DOMAIN: Activity
CONCERN: Obtaining
ISSUE: Self Interest vs. Morality
PROBLEM: Consider
SOLUTION: Reconsider
SYMPTOM: Logic
RESPONSE: Feeling
UNIQUE ABILITY: Attitude
CRITICAL FLAW: Choice

ADDITIONAL STORY POINTS
GOAL: Innermost Desires
CONSEQUENCE: The Future
COST: Obtaining
DIVIDEND: Changing One’s Nature
REQUIREMENT: Impulsive Responses
PREREQUISITE: How Things are Changing
PRECONDITION: Doing
FOREWARNINGS: Playing a Role

#4

Encoding Block 1: CHARACTER DYNAMICS:

MC RESOLVE: Steadfast
Angela has a steadfast belief system in all things spiritual. She cannot imagine life without a deeper meaning in everything she sees and does. She would feel empty if she had to accept that maybe things are just what they are. Absolutely no way, for her. Even when the bus she was riding on her way to work gets into a collision she believes she was part of the reason for the accident that caused a death — even though she was meditating in the back of the bus. She’d rather live with the guilt of knowing that she was in the Universe’s grand plan for that accident to happen than to believe that sometimes random events occur.

MC GROWTH: Stop
Angela is caught up in circumstances beyond her control when the bus she is riding to work collides with a cyclist and the cyclist is later declared dead. Though the incident threatens her belief structure, she searches for ways of justifying that the accident was meant to be. At the same time, she continues to participate in spiritual classes and groups, each one getting more extreme, all in an effort to find the cause of the accident. Some people in her life — her very practical chiropractor who she is forced to start visiting because of her whiplash and other body ailments after the crash — point out obvious inconsistencies in the event and her reasoning. The people around her are waiting for Angela to stop believing it was somehow her fault.

MC APPROACH: Be-er
Angela internalises just about everything. The world “speaks” to her through symbols, signs and synchronicities. If something unexpected happens, she “clocks” it and trusts that the meaning will become clear later on down the line. She prefers to resolve distress or discomfort through meditation and a shift in her perspective - no matter how nuts the perspective might be. Even when things become comically absurd around her, she still prefers to resolve it internally because, after all, she is one with the Universe and if the Universe is out of order, it means she is out of order.

MC PROBLEM-SOLVING STYLE: Holistic
Angela will try all manner of self-help protocols before she reaches out for help. So, when she wakes up a fews days after the accident and she can’t move her neck, she takes a warm bath and meditates to calm her muscles. She doesn’t connect with the idea that maybe it’s whiplash that only a chiropractor can start to fix. She goes to work with a stiff neck and her colleagues tell her she really ought to get it looked at. She thinks she needs to ignore the problem instead and then it will disappear on its own. After all, “What you pay attention to grows” is one of her mantras.

IC RESOLVE: Change
The Chiropractor, Bruno from a village in Italy, is the IC. Though he kind of knows that the mind has some influence over the body, his main belief is that if he fixes the body most else will fall in place. The physical is his priority. He adjusts people all day every day and has gotten used to just getting in there and doing the job of cracking bones. His patients can often be heard screaming and yelling down the hall — but they keep coming back because he always fixes their structural problems. When Angela walks into his office, he notices how delicate she appears to be and changes his manner to be more delicate and give her extra care. After some time, he finds that no matter how careful and delicate he is with her, she just keeps having to come back to fix more and more ailments. Instead of getting better, she seems to be getting worse. He tries different methods and machines but eventually realises the real ailment resides in her heart and mind.

#5

Encoding Block 2: PLOT DYNAMICS:

DRIVER: Decision
This story is moved along by decisions. Angela decides to go to the chiropractor after all her meditations and mantras don’t work. Bruno decides to treat Angela delicately. The Public Transport Authority decide to downplay the accident. Friends and colleagues decide it’s time to intervene try to help her get rid of her guilt in a more healthy way by taking her to the cinema or go out for drinks and lighten her up. Bruno decides he needs to revert to his old practical ways when Angela just keeps getting worse. A guy who has had a secret crush on Angela decides to become a white knight to save her from herself, so he goes with her to the whacky spiritual classes but unfortunately gets caught up in one of them.

LIMIT: Optionlock
Angela is running out of options. So is everyone else. She has tried everything but her ailments are getting worse and worse. She is finding it hard to simply walk down the street. (Connected with Story goal)

OUTCOME: Success
Everyone finds success in the story because they try so many different and have explored many different avenues they have learned a great deal along the way. Bruno has incorporated a massage therapist into his practice. The White Knight crusher has found a calling to set up his own holistic online bookstore. The boss retired and his employees take over the business. It becomes a thriving bookstore for a change.

JUDGMENT: Good
Angela manages to expand her perspective to be able to let go of the guilt and even begins to recognise that the body is as important to this world as the mind and heart is. She doesn’t give up her steadfast beliefs, but she finds balance and begins to enjoy the physical aspects of life. She even signs up for a kettlebell class. Even though she collapses due to a cramp in her leg under the weight of a 6kg bell, she lands on the floor and it finally hits her. She realises that the pain she had all this time was her Now moment. She was always in the now. Then, she remembers all the crazy things she went through to realise that and starts to laugh uncontrollably.

[Note to myself: I might swap change/steadfast statuses but we’ll see how it goes.]

#6

Ok, Block 3 was tough and it fried my brain for the day, but I finished it. For the other blocks, I’ll continue tomorrow.

I included some questions that I wasn’t clear about in hard brackets and italics. If anyone cares to weigh in, feel free…

Encoding Block 3: OVERALL STORY

DOMAIN: Fixed Attitude
Everyone thinks they know what’s best for Angela. They all have a bias in their beliefs in what will fix Angela (e.g. drinking, cinema, chiropractic adjustments, various spiritual teachings). Angela also has her fixed attitude about her spiritual of beliefs. Ultimately, only Angela can fix herself.

CONCERN [STORY GOAL?]: Innermost Desires
Each character desires to be the one to save Angela. Even Angela wants to save herself in her own way. But actually, none of them reach this goal.

– [Hmmmm….I might have to change the outcome to FAILURE]

ISSUE: Closure vs. Denial
All the characters face issues of bringing Angela’s problems to an end. Her boss has to cover to her sick days. Her white knight crusher gets caught up in a cult. Her colleagues spend more money than they have taking her out to relieve her pain and distract her. Angela is running from one guru to another.

– [Not sure where Denial comes in]

PROBLEM: Consider
All the characters consider different methods of solving Angela’s problems.

SOLUTION: Reconsider
All the characters have to stop and reconsider that maybe their methods are helpful and could be putting themselves in harms way. So, they all stop trying to help at some point.

SYMPTOM: Pursuit
Each character pursues the resolution of Angela’s worsening state of being, but it seems to make Angela worse by distracting her or by making her feel worse because all their effort is not working. When they reconsider (above) their approach and back off, that’s when Angela starts to find her own way and stumbles across the realisation she truly seeks…being in the now and getting rid of her guilt.

RESPONSE: Avoidance
Every character responds to yet another Angela ache by adding yet more more “healing modality”, but no one asks her the underlying reason for all her trouble. They are avoiding getting too deep with her for various reasons.

CATALYST: Denial
–[Connected with Closure up above??? Still not sure how denial plays a part here yet. ]
All the characters deny to themselves that Angela is way out there sometimes. Angela is also in denial that her own beliefs are a little extreme. And, when her mother confesses that she was named after Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, Angela refuses to believe it and prefers to carry on in the belief that she was named after the Angels in the Universe. In fact, the whole confession later sends Angela into a tailspin.

INHIBITOR: Responsibility
(I don’t know this one yet so I’m just filling it in for now). Angela has been kind to all of them so they all feel a sense of responsibility to give back to her in some fashion. Or, maybe only one character feels responsible towards Angela, while the others feels responsible for others things.

–[I’m not quite clear about Inhibitor. Plus, how is this different from ISSUE??]

#7

Great stuff so far Anne! Just a couple questions for you…

First, IC Resolve:

The bolding of changes threw me off a bit there. Is it possible the first sentence just describes the very beginning of the IC’s change of perspective? And that the last sentence encapsulates his real Change?

For MC Resolve you should try to compare her perspective between the beginning and end of story (you can encode that story point later on if you can’t picture it yet).

Note: just read your encoding of Judgment. I agree that encoding sounds more like a Change perspective. For Steadfast, you want her to grow without changing perspective, like the story tests and tempers her resolve with all the challenges, but eventually makes it stronger.

On the Story Driver, I’m a bit torn because it sounds like the story’s First Driver is a bus accident, which is a hard thing to show as Decision driven unless you make a big deal of the decision she made to take the bus that particular day, and/or some decision the driver makes that causes the accident. I’m also reading some of your examples as decisions that were driven by Actions:

I definitely could be seeing it wrong, but something for you to think about anyway.

Okay, I just started reading your Block 3. I think it might be a good idea to stop and think about your four throughlines at a high level before you continue encoding. Try to describe what each throughline is first, without going into the story points themselves, just so you can keep them separate in your head.

Then try to describe the Goal clearly without worrying about the actual Dramatica Type (Concern) for it.

Part of the reason I’m suggesting this is I’m not sure if the lower-left Concern quadrant (Subconscious / Becoming / Obtaining / Future) feels right for the story you’ve outlined so far.

#8

Thanks, @Lucas! I really appreciate your feedback.

Sorry about the confusion bolding the words. It was more for my own note taking, to keep me focussed on what I’m aiming for within that story point. None have more importance over the other.

About MC/IC resolve: I was wondering whether to swap the two around. It seems to fit better if I do. As I was writing the outline, I was getting the sense that the MC really needs to question some of her beliefs.

That you said:

…you pretty much confirmed it for me. She isn’t strengthening her beliefs, she is shifting them, hence changing. So, I’ll be swapping the current IC/MC resolves around in the story engine.

Yes, I’m kind of torn too about the Story Driver. As I consider the whole story, it’s based on different characters making decisions in general - which pushes the story along. But yeah, I agree that the bus accident might need to be downplayed. I’ll keep that one undecided for now.

Thank you for the tip on the 4 throughlines :slight_smile:

#9

Now that I’ve swapped the steadfast/IC resolve, a few Story Points have shifted around. Here is the updated Story Engine Settings 18/12/17:

CHARACTER DYNAMICS:
MC RESOLVE: Change
MC GROWTH: Stop
MC APPROACH: Be-er
MC PROBLEM-SOLVING STYLE: Holistic

IC RESOLVE: Steadfast
PLOT DYNAMICS:
DRIVER: Decision
LIMIT: Optionlock
OUTCOME: Success
JUDGMENT: Good

MAIN CHARACTER
DOMAIN: Manipulation
CONCERN: Changing One’s Nature
ISSUE: Commitment vs.
Responsibility
PROBLEM: Faith
SOLUTION: Disbelief
SYMPTOM: Pursuit
RESPONSE: Avoidance
UNIQUE ABILITY: Commitment
CRITICAL FLAW: Morality
BENCHMARK: Conceiving an Idea

INFLUENCE CHARACTER
DOMAIN: Activity
CONCERN: Obtaining
ISSUE: Self Interest vs. Morality
PROBLEM: Help
SOLUTION: Hinder
SYMPTOM: Support
RESPONSE: Oppose
UNIQUE ABILITY: Self Interest
CRITICAL FLAW: Responsibility
CRITICAL FLAW: Responsibility

RELATIONSHIP
DOMAIN: Situation
CONCERN: The Future
ISSUE: Choice vs. Delay
PROBLEM: Pursuit
SOLUTION: Avoidance
SYMPTOM: Support
RESPONSE: Oppose
CATALYST: Delay
INHIBITOR: Dream
BENCHMARK: The Present

OVERALL STORY
DOMAIN: Fixed Attitude
CONCERN: Innermost Desires
ISSUE: Dream vs. Hope
PROBLEM: Faith
SOLUTION: Disbelief
SYMPTOM: Support
RESPONSE: Oppose
CATALYST: Hope
INHIBITOR: Choice
BENCHMARK: Contemplation

ADDITIONAL STORY POINTS
GOAL: Innermost Desires
CONSEQUENCE: The Future
COST: Obtaining
DIVIDEND: Changing One’s Nature
REQUIREMENT: Contemplation
PREREQUISITE: The Present
PRECONDITION: Gathering
Information
FOREWARNINGS: Conceiving an Idea

#10

Notes Collected along the way:

RS: Situation

and

So, keeping the above explanations in mind and keeping the throughlines separate, here goes:

MC: Manipulation
Angela, the MC, has conditioned/manipulates herself to interpret what she experiences by new age mantras and “laws”. She’s in her head most of the time, trying to remain IN THE NOW and is trying to become a timeless person where she experiences all as one. She’s the kind who will break out into the OM chant in the middle of serving a customer at the bookstore.

IC: Activity
Bruno the Italian chiropractor is a physical focused man who focuses on action as a means to achieve success in the world. Plays football after work and squash on the weekends. He is a very practical, hands on kind of person. His brutish methods clash with Angela’s way of being.

RS: Situation
The NHS assigned Angela to Bruno for treatment of her whiplash. Angela’s growing list of ailments prevents him from concluding her case and so she remains a patient. He tries different approaches. After some time, the ‘couple’ reach the limits of the allotted NHS budget and things get even more absurd.

OS: Fixed Attitude
Everyone is biased in favour of their own method of surviving and thriving in the world.

GOAL: Innermost Desires
Everyone wants to prove that their methods are the right ones. (I think)

If no one reaches the goal, I will have to change Outcome to Failure because no one gets to prove their method is the right one. Hmmmm

#11

For your RS, would you describe it as anything other than a doctor-patient relationship? Do they grow to become friends, is there a romance aspect? (EDIT: it doesn’t have to be anything else, it can be awesome as doctor-patient, I’m just trying to get a clear picture)

The OS is still kind of unclear. Based on previous posts, it sounds like the OS is actually something like “fixing Angela” or “figuring out how to fix Angela”. And that can certainly work. However, the Goal as you’ve written it doesn’t fit Innermost Desires (Subconscious) – for that it needs to be about deep subconscious drives and desires, like love or sexual desire or deep fears or hatred or desperate longings.

Maybe take a look at the analysis for When Harry Met Sally, it’s a good comparison because it’s a comprehensive analysis and has an Overall Story Concern of Innermost Desires (assuming you’ve seen the film). You can see there how the Goal is focused on Harry & Sally’s romance, but all the OS characters are concerned with finding love in some way.

If that doesn’t quite seem to fit, don’t worry, it’s possible you have a different Concern.

#12

It does seem like a natural development for these two spending so much time together, so yes, they really ought to form a romantic relationship. I was fighting it…haha…but it does work here.

They are all trying to fix Angela, yes. Sometimes these things are so obvious but easily overlooked. KISS, right :wink:

I’ll give the goal more thought.

I’ll review the Harry Met Sally analysis and carry on tomorrow. Thanks!

#13

It is important to remember that Dramatica is used to determine the source of the conflict. Each thematic levels(thoroughline, concern, issue, elements) are different magnification of that.

In order for MC throughline to be a truely Manipulation, her process of psychology must be her source of conflict like examples below.

ex.)
In Halmet, Halmet overthinks about avenging his father and acts mad (manipulation), resulting in her girlfriend going mad, delaying the revenge, getting everyone killed at the end.
In Shawshank redemption, Red’s way of justifying his prison life (manipulation) makes him unable to have hope or get out of the prison,

You have not adequately explained how process of “trying to remain in now” or “following New Age principles” causes conflict for her. Trying to remain here and now and chanting OM could even be a positive thing for her. If it’s anything, it sounds like her fixed attitude toward New Age is causing conflict for her because she is not getting medical attention she needs.

I would nudge you toward OS:Manipulation MC:Fixed Attitude IC:Situation RS:Activity. This is just a suggestion, so feel free to disagree with me.

OS: Manipulation
Everyone trying to manipulate Angela with their own individual life philosophy causes conflicts because it makes Angela’s condition worse, Angela doesn’t like it, they get into an argument and etc.
MC: Fixed Attiude
Angela’s impulsive reactions (impulsively chanting OM, refusing to focus on involuntary negative thoughts, knee-jerk reaction to western medical treatment) reinforced by New Age principles are causing conflicts because she gets in trouble at work, she doesn’t get medical attention she needs and etc.
IC: Situation
Bruno’s assignment of Angela is causing conflict because he is running out of the budget, he could gets into trouble with NHS when they see that Angela is getting worse etc.
RS:
Refusing to complying to brutish methodology is causing conflict for Doctor-patient relationship because it stresses them out, it causes more injury for the patient, they have to perform drastic intervention and etc.

It is most like be an ability story as I have hinted (upper right quadrant:Playing a Role,How things are Changing, Doing, Impulsive Response).

Then the goal would be Playing a Role, or being/living. It would be “manipulating Angela to live a [certain] way.”
If above is the case, you have to make the goal more clear so that you can determine whether outcome is a success or a failure

#14

Thanks for your feedback, @Lorno, you make a good case.

There certainly is a lot more conflict in this version you’ve presented.

I’m feeling rather like a willow in the wind so I’ll read through it again and compare with the Harry/Sally analysis and see what fits best. I’ll review the conflict elements too. Thanks!

#15

I’m glad if I was of any help.

It can be really helpful to familiarize with Dramatica’s terminology first. It is a lot like a learning a foreign language. I also suggest you check out some story with OS goal of Being/Playing a Role. http://dramatica.com/analysis/examine/os-concern/being

Just think about whether it’s their fixed attitude that’s causing a problem or them trying to manipulate Angela that’s causing a problem.

#16

This is a great exercise for reaching clarity on the theory and putting it to practice. And believe me, I’ve read through the materials a few times now and for me it will only stick when I actually USE it.

Having thought through the points you are making, I agree that I wasn’t focussed on conflict in my outline. So, I’ve attempted to do so below.

Her efforts of trying to get back to ‘the now’ are in direct conflict with…pretty much everything. Backstory: up until the accident, she considered herself to be in the now and everyone in the story just kind of put up with her quirkiness. After the accident, she considers herself out of the now and people start to admit she was always a bit out there.

Now, she experiences conflict with her work schedule, she can’t meditate anymore, she breaks out in OM chants in the middle of serving customers thus putting her job in jeopardy, her reputation suffers when people think she is losing her mind. Her chosen new age philosophy isn’t helping her but she refuses to acknowledge her faulty thinking and instead thinks she is misapplying the new age principles.

Fixed Attitude and Manipulation is easy for a newbie like me to confuse. To state my understanding: Fixed Attitude is entrenched bias, prejudice. Manipulation is a manner of thinking which, in this story, could be a philosophical perspective.

Hence why I placed them: OS-Fixed atttitude and MC-Manipulation.

I’ve considered the suggestion of OS: Manipulation but it actually doesn’t create conflict in the way I envision the story. Yes, they are all trying to fix her - manipulate - under the guise of helping her overcome her ailments. But she also just goes along with it. Hence, I can’t say they’re manipulating her into anything.

Underlying their helpfulness is their bias for their own methods. Hence the OS fixed attitude. All their fixing methods cause conflict and mishap in humourous ways .

For the MC Manipulation, her conflict is experienced due to her way of thinking. Her way of seeing the accident causes her conflict because she can’t consider that the bus accident was just an accident. To her way of thinking, she is an important factor in the accident. She spirals because of this. Later when she learns that the cyclist dies, her thinking becomes more extreme and makes her fault herself, thinking that she must be co-creating in making people die. Her guilt is starting to take a grip on her (in comedic ways).

The IC inadvertently prolongs her treatment protocol because he sees her as a delicate female to be handled with care and changes his treatment approach instead of just sticking with his usual protocol. From that all the troubles for the two of them begin…NHS puts a stop to the growing budget, her ailments multiply, and i’m sure I can imagine other hilarious scenarios. His change of action is what causes both of them conflict (with the NHS, his practice, her ailments, and his own reputation is called into question too). Hence, IC Activity.

etc.

I also now realise that the story driver should be action instead of decision @mlucas

If I am way off on this conflict thing, please do let know how.

I admit, sometimes it does feel easy to shoe-horn aspects of the story just to make it fit the story engine settings.

1 Like
#17

I’m getting on a plane in a few hours and will continue later on.

I look forward to reading feedback as soon as I get back online :slight_smile:

#18

Consider making these shifts:

Consider using a Driver of Action. So much of what you describe about the story and the MC and IC characters is driven by action. Starting with the bus accident. Angela mediates (an action) in order to get into The Now. She will chant OM (an action) in the middle of a story in order to get back into the Now. She asks others for their advice (actions) in order to gain their insight and find solutions for her.

Ultimately, her MC resolve of change might include her shifting from relying on actions in order to drive her into The Now to simply deciding to live in the now, without all the rigamarole and histrionics. Maybe her MC Growth includes stopping with all the hoodoo voodoo, so to speak?

Her MC Concern of Becoming feels natural. She’s trying to become how she was before the accident, when she could easily get into The Now, etc. She’s having a lot of trouble with it, and can’t really get there anymore. Maybe she shouldn’t look to how she was before the accident, and instead look to becoming who she is now, becoming whole now? Maybe in the end she realizes the bus accident is the best thing that ever happened to her, allowing her to become new somehow. The bus accident becomes instrumental in realigning/manipulating/transforming her mind? The steadfast IC manipulates her body for her to reach her goal (Future) of becoming transformed.

A Benchmark of Being falls out of this, which seems like a natural for the MC. But Being is temporary. She comes in and out of it. That’s how she can tell how she’s doing. When she’s out of Being, she knows she has some work to do.

With these modifications, consider this Storyform. (Sorry, I’m using the original terminology in my DSE preferences. So you’ll have to translate to the version 5 terminology. I’ve tried to add it in parenthesis where it mattered.):

CHARACTER DYNAMICS:
MC RESOLVE: Change
MC GROWTH: Stop
MC APPROACH: Be-er
MC MENTAL SEX: Female
OC RESOLVE: Steadfast

PLOT DYNAMICS:
DRIVER: Action
LIMIT: Optionlock
OUTCOME: Success
JUDGMENT: Good

OBJECTIVE STORY (Overall Story)
(The Objective Story)
DOMAIN: Mind
CONCERN: The Subconscious
ISSUE: Dream vs. Hope
PROBLEM: Faith
SOLUTION: Disbelief
FOCUS: Support
DIRECTION: Oppose
CATALYST: Hope
INHIBITOR: Choice
BENCHMARK: The Preconscious
SIGNPOST 1: Memory
SIGNPOST 2: The Subconscious
SIGNPOST 3: The Preconscious
SIGNPOST 4: The Conscious

MAIN CHARACTER
(Main Character)
DOMAIN: Psychology
CONCERN: Becoming
ISSUE: Commitment vs. Responsibility
PROBLEM: Faith
SOLUTION: Disbelief
FOCUS: Pursuit
DIRECTION: Avoidance
UNIQUE ABILITY: Commitment
CRITICAL FLAW: Morality
BENCHMARK: Being
SIGNPOST 1: Conceptualizing
SIGNPOST 2: Being
SIGNPOST 3: Becoming
SIGNPOST 4: Conceiving

OBSTACLE CHARACTER (Influence Character)
(Obstacle Character)
DOMAIN: Physics
CONCERN: Obtaining
ISSUE: Self Interest vs. Morality
PROBLEM: Help
SOLUTION: Hinder
FOCUS: Support
DIRECTION: Oppose
UNIQUE ABILITY: Self Interest
CRITICAL FLAW: Responsibility
BENCHMARK: Doing
SIGNPOST 1: Understanding
SIGNPOST 2: Doing
SIGNPOST 3: Obtaining
SIGNPOST 4: Learning

SUBJECTIVE STORY (Relationship Story)
(The Subjective Story)
DOMAIN: Universe
CONCERN: The Future
ISSUE: Choice vs. Delay
PROBLEM: Pursuit
SOLUTION: Avoidance
FOCUS: Support
DIRECTION: Oppose
CATALYST: Delay
INHIBITOR: Dream
BENCHMARK: Progress
SIGNPOST 1: The Present
SIGNPOST 2: The Past
SIGNPOST 3: Progress
SIGNPOST 4: The Future

ADDITIONAL APPRECIATIONS

GOAL: The Subconscious
CONSEQUENCE: The Future
COST: Obtaining
DIVIDEND: Becoming

REQUIREMENT: The Preconscious
PREREQUISITE: Progress
PRECONDITION: Doing
FOREWARNINGS: Being

P.S. Another question… Are you going for comedy with the chiropractor? Because chiropractors are trained to be and are implicitly gentle. A chiropractor who elicits yells screams from people (from the pain of his physical manipulations) should lose his license. Chiropractors implicitly bring relief. Is it that’s how she sees him? She’s afraid, and thus pictures him a brute? Thus the comedy of hollers and screams? But maybe the hollers and screams are actually spontaneous expressions of pleased clients communicating their joy in how much better they feel to the doctor? She isn’t aware of it behind closed doors. In the end, is the veil lifted and she sees his gentle side? That’s all storytelling I suppose, and just my instinct. But maybe it gets encoded somehow? (I’m beginning to feel a romance brewing here. Instead of my Mr. Nightly, it’s my Mr. Chiropractor?)

By the way, I like the IC being in Physics and being a chiropractor. Feels like a natural fit.

OS in fixed attitude feels right. OS characters have fixed attitudes about Angela, how she is, and what she should do. No one believes Angela will actually change. No one thinks she will stop all her hoodoo voodoo and become who she says she wants to be.

Just some thoughts. Use or lose.

Brendan

#19

Hi Brendan,

Oh my goodness you included the changed story points! That’s fab - thank you so much.

I don’t have the software available to me since I’m on a plane (delayed) so I couldn’t flip that around.

Totally agree about the Action driver. Lucas pointed that out as well. Today I came to see the wisdom.

Oh, the chiropractor, Bruno. Yeah, a tad unconventional, lol!

Seriously though, some of this story is inspired by true events. I was in my chiropractors office and a somewhat known British actor came in with sciatica. I don’t know if he was just a drama baby or what, but we heard a right almighty hollar from down the hallway. So dramatic!! I was cracking up. His noises inspired the Bruno character.

Off topic : if the chiropractor uses Active Release Therapy (ART) it can be pretty painful stuff. It’s absolutely fantastic for fixing frozen shoulder, hip problems - anywhere that has reduced movement due to build up of scar tissue. Highly recommend it. I fixed my own frozen shoulder in less than 3 months using laser therapy and ART. Highly recommend it for RSI.

Thank you for your feedback. I’ll be mulling it over as I bake in the sun. :airplane: :tropical_drink:

1 Like
#20

Oh, you’ve got me jealous now.

My chiros have always been gentle. But I can imagine now the modalities you’re referring to and I can buy them in the story now.

Have a great time in the sun!